Ack!

I am really frustrated.
Here is a glimpse into the day of me:

-Two incomes that equal one.
-One Large Surgery for one middle child, looming in 8 weeks.

-June 1st, my last day of FT work, so that I may be a mom again:
-looks bad on paper.
-is bad on paper.
-God is not always about building visible stability, but inner character.
-My kids need their mom back.

Why?

-A student getting F's
-A/B student getting D's
-Freshman year is freaky.
It is a weird place, with weird people
who make you feel weird.
It is easy to blow off crappy grades, saying "I don't care"
and on the inside, you really DO care about those
crappy grades and saying, "I don't care!" is a way of
hiding from other people, the fear of everything new going on around you at highschool.

Its easy to punish and apply pressure, but punishment alone and apart from
realistic reaping/sowing logic, is fruitless and more likely damaging.
Punishment (like tradition) for it's own sake is stupid, pointless and damaging to some one who is older. Small children and animals respond to simple chastisement and reward tactics because they are still small and developing. Black and white, "you do this, you get this reward" options versus, "you commit this crime and you earn this consequence" are extremely useful and proper in young children, but you can't treat big kids in the same manner. Obviously.
When Freshman was little (1-6 years) he would have days when it seemed like he lived in his bedroom for all the time-outs he earned! I remember one day,when he was about 2, I had an epiphany. In a calm moment, I wrote down all of the offenses that he was known to commit. I listed everyone I could remember. Then, I calmly and rationally assessed an appropriate "consequence" for each offense. I taped the list to the front of the fridge, (up high so he couldn't easily tear it off and pronounce it "lost.") I picked him up and carried him over tot he list and I showed it to him. We read all the words on one side. They were things he liked to do that got him into trouble. I explained that these were the "bad ideas" and rules, and when he wanted to break one, we would have to come and find out what he would earn from that choice. There were two offenses that earned a spanking. I told him, (often through his young life) "don't make me do that one please. I hate to do that one." By saying this, I effectively communicated the responsibility of earning this and other consequences, was on his own shoulders. After all, I wasn't holding a gun to his head, making him stick his tongue out at his daddy. That was HIS choice, and he should understand the full ramifications of what he was choosing. He did learn at a young age that his poor choices were his alone.

But....
I digress!
Anyway, so getting BACK to what I was going on about...

So, rather than punish Freaked-Out-Fearful Freshman and Low-Grade-Achieving-Smart-Child, I prefer to look at it as;

-how do they spend their time when they get home? How can I help them?
(By being at home - hence choice to quit FT job.)

-how can I help Freshman to not goof off during class time.
(short of sitting in the classroom which not only demeans him, it embarasses me too, and I pretty much refuse to do it unless need is great.)

-what things/activities are getting in the way of him being focused on his schol work during the week, and how can I help him train himself to be more balanced in how he spends his time?

And this is how to help some of it:
-the TV/GameCube will have to be removed from his room.
-The TV in the family room will have to stay off until grown ups are home.
-the editing suite is off limits during the week, camera is restricted to weekends as well, with no shoots scheduled during the week.
-no computer access until grown ups are home.

Will he hate me because he views this help as punishment even though it is not? Probably

Will I permit his hating me, to stop me from doing what is right for him? No. I love him too much. He is a good person, he wants to do well. He just has too many things to distract him right now, and school is so unpleasant when you aren't sure of your place.

Do I get to have ulcers and headaches for my helping? Maybe to the first, yes to the latter.

Does he think I will want to hold this over his head for the rest of his life? Probably.

Do I.

No.