Tuesday, June 23, 2015

The Dark Side Files :

(These are snippets of things I write to expel and / or decompress residual bad energy from whatever is going on in the store that I can't verbalise or respond to, but have to put a nice retail face on.)

A Stunning Performance :
-Basically my unquenchable desire to serve you, Oh-Holy-Customer-May-You-Live-Forever, is purely theatre. I should have gotten an Oscar by now. Several in fact.)

Can't comprehend more than one sentence at a time :
-Dear Tourist - Ok so if there is a problem finding the public restroom less than a block away, it is because YOU did not listen to the directions. What is so hard about "Go to the corner and turn left. Its on the next corner." Seriously?


The Over Parked Winnebago:
-Dear Tourist, why do you think you can get indignant with me when you park your motorhome on 6 parking spaces right in front of my stores entrance? I know that you want to park under the tree for the day while you tour the town, but your vehicle is simply too big. When you get out of your motorhome I ask you politely, " Hi Ma'am, would you mind rolling your motorhome forward about 5 spaces, by the vacant lot? I have only just opened the shop and I will need these parking spaces here for customers today."

She argued with me: "Well, then I am going to have to turn on the generator, and its VERY LOUD."

I replied, "Oh OK, thats no problem."

She was about to argue more, but her husband shushed her and asked if he could park in the gravel space 50 feet away and I said he certainly could. But seriously, all they needed to do was roll the vehicle forward 5 spaces. That's ALL!

Anyway, as he drove around the corner she said, "There are no motorhome signs, what are we supposed to do?"

I said "there are designated motorhome parking spaces 2 blocks over on main street, you will find them if you go around the block to the left."

It's a small town with basically 3 streets.

She said, "You need to tell your city to put up more signage."

I wanted to say, "You need to spend a minute looking for the motorhome lot and not be so friggin' lazy and argumentative."

But I didn't say that, now did I?

Instead, I said "good idea." ;o)



The Queen of All of Everything, and her Daddy
-Ok lady, I don't care what you think.
No we do NOT need to develope a policy for standard discounts for dealers.
The price is the price and we are not hear to give stuff away so that you can flip it elsewhere.
If you want it, buy it, but don't EVEN think my vendors are here to serve your own business at a disadvantage to themselves. Not gonna happen.
Oh and yes, I DO remember when you were here last year from Modesto. (Boy do I remember).
A Regular Local Customer (not her real name) had come in to buy the architectural piece which we had just arranged for her to come and pick up. It was just a coincidence that you saw it, wanted it, walked away from it to another part of the store and in the mean time "Regular Local Customer" came in, paid for it and took it home, before you went back to that booth to get it for yourself. I'm sorry that happened and that you lost out. You really did throw a stunning tantrum over it. It was a coincidence, not a conspiracy.

Of COURSE I remember you. How could I forget your visit.
And so NICE of you to come back today and be all demanding and as needy as ever.
(*Opens eyes wide, tilts head and paints on the toothy retail smile.*)

These people are making me mad. First the lady insults me for not giving her a discount, then rants on at me about how "That Woman" cheated her out of the item she was going to buy here last year. Then her little old man dad finds the normally locked bathroom unlocked and goes in anyway even though he's been told we don't offer public restrooms here.When he comes out he proceeds to argue with me that the age of the plumbing is an excuse businesses in town use to not let people use the restrooms. Frankly, I don't need an excuse old man. No public restrooms in the shop. End of discussion! Sorry about your prostate Gramps but don't take it out on me. I don't think so. If he gives me any more lip I may just give it back to him.


--Now ya see THAT was an awesome customer! Just plain nice folks!

--This is just not going to work correctly. Time will tell.

--There is nothing that says Antique Store Employee more than a tatted-up woman in a hoop skirt, tank top and flip flops.