The City of Sisters Loves to mess with people

I love how, even though I will be signing the papers on my new house and planning to move in at that time, the City of Sisters has decided to enact anew policy requiring my landscaping to be completed in advance before granting me a Certificate of  Occupancy.  Most people usually have a year to get their landscaping completed.  They have just decided this randomly at the last minute.  What a bunch of self-important  dick heads.

Millennials Aren't the Problem

The people of my generation (baby boomers) need to stop trashing the Millennial Generation. 

Y'all need to take a good long hard look in the mirror.

After having worked in retail / customer service for more than 17 years, I am here to tell you, the most self-absorbed, self-indulgent, self-righteous, demanding, impolite group of people are those ones of my own generation.

The customer of MY generation is NOT always right. 

In fact the customer is usually a big baby who sets about making his/her demands known, and throws a massive threat filled tantrum if she/he doesn't get what he/she wants at the prices she/he wants it.

The customer of MY generation is usually unreasonably impatient. Unwilling to wait in line beyond a certain point - which is fine, that's their choice - but to verbally abuse an employee or other customer is unacceptable - and this is done routinely by people my own age.

And I have witnessed first hand, the abuse Millennial customer service workers have to endure from people of the baby boomer generation. Things that someone my age would think twice about before saying to MY face, they have no qualms about dumping on my younger co-worker.

And if you are a business owner employing Millennials, you need to make double sure that you are being supportive of them. You should be supportive of ALL of your employees but you need to recognize that your Millennial employees may be getting extra abuse from customers. You don't need ANYBODY's money so badly that you can subject your employees, who are trying to promote YOUR business, to such abuse. I challenge you to stand in the gap, go to bat for your employee and shut down the abusive, wrong customer.

Conversely, I have NEVER had a customer in the Millennial age group be an asshole to me in the work place.

So the next time you want to bitch about Millennials, go look in the mirror and say those same things to yourself.

View from the other side, number 1.

Dang it, my friend. You got to the other side before I did. As I Ponder this I wonder what wonderful sights and experiences you are having right now, that you wish you could tell us. I wish you could too, my friend. I wish I was seeing your goofy grin right now, the happy joy, telling us all about it.

Metolius - Epilogue

SO many thoughts.

- Learned a lot.
Learned that there is SO much more to be learned!
(Isn't that always the way?)

- Learned that the two SCARIEST people, are actually quite approachable.
And I am not the sort of person who is easily intimidated. Ask anyone.
("Screaming Artillery Man (tm)"  still remains on the Scary List.  ( I wonder what Santa thinks of that?)

 - Saw a sheep nearly worshipped. She was hailed as the "Battle Lamb".
It was suggested that a standard be created in commemoration.

- Learned that I am far too willing to take some one at their word or at face value.
(Not always such a good thing.)

- It took me a fair few minutes to recognize that Dub was out-bidding me for Kelly Brown's item for sale, mainly as a service to Kelly.  (I am on to your tactics now, sir!) ;o)

- Got a new game plan figured out for teaching, and the use of the "Glorious Demonstration Fly" in the Confederate Encampment.  Looking VERY much forward to Powerland because of it.

- After having purged "un-needed supplies", I have discovered that I can purge even more.
(Need to find a period, stretcher/embalming table with handles to replace the heavier model I already have.  Should have a wicker/caned insert in the center. Ya know.  If any of you come across one in your travels.  It has to be sturdy though, because it may be used to carry a truly injured person off the field.)

- I am no longer hauling garments for people, unless they actually show up.

- After the arthritic agony of this weekend, I will permit myself some proper (if farby) footwear for after the public goes home. Ain't nobody got time for pain like this.

- Many thanks to the Kens.
A healing time was had.
I was reminded of my favorite horse, now long gone. I guess I stuffed that memory, as it hurts.   Smelling the hay through your horses nostrils, a sweet incense that comes forth like incense goes up to heaven. Thank you for letting us come and spend a little bit of time there.  Being sniffed.  Scratching haltered heads.  Sharing carrots.  It was a big deal.  Thank you.

- Meeting "The Tims" and watching them cut each other down in person.  Such comedy.

SPEAKING OF WHICH :

- Late at night, being roused from the brink of sleep by a man yelling,
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP!  I'VE HAD ENOUGH!  SHUT UP,  G$%   D#@*   It!!!"
Gee, I wonder who he could have been yelling at?
*clumsy stumbling and clanking sounds, passing the tent soon followed.

- The weather was surprisingly good - this is two years in a row now.
I originally was certain that we were going to have a rainy bluster, but I was wrong.
Now that I think about it, late May is truly the transition between Winter and Summer. Dunno why I was surprised at decent weather.

- I don't know why I bring so much food.  OR any.  I rarely eat at such events. What a waste. In the future, I should just bring trail mix and Mountain House.
(And hide a Keurig in the tent, run off of a power supply.  Yes, I can already hear the outcry. )

- I honestly don't know why so many reenactors seem to think this event is not worth coming to.
It is THE MOST beautiful, picturesque setting imaginable.  Really, it is only two -three hours from most anywhere in the valley.  And there are folks who come from further away - 6 hours.  So people who whine about a 2-3 hour drive - well I am sorry, you do not have my sympathy, ya princess.  You are just missing out.  Big time.

- The radio interview was terrifying, but the reporter really did an excellent job with the final product!
She is to be commended!  Thank you David Banks for setting it up!

-Thank you David Banks, for a whole lotta stuff.  In fact, thank you for most of it! Thank you for your time, energy, enthusiasm, financial, janitorial, set-up and strike skills, and you are a master at engaging the public at parades.  (You and Matt Cleman on that score).

- Kelly Cleman, dang girl! We did not get a chance to play Whist!  Now that we have a new demo tent set up, we will find a lot more time for proper socializing, so I am looking forward to truly getting to hang out with you at Pwerland and beyond.

- We got safety tested this weekend, which will allow us to participate in more "shenanigans", such as running around screaming and crying, "Their killing' us all!!!"  We were unexpectedly presented with an opportunity directly after completing the test.  Canonn fire was heard in the Civilian camp. Screaming ensued, and little girls were injured. They got to be carried away by larger girls to be tended by the medic.  They later "died", and wailing and weeping commenced after the battle.  They later asked if they could please be allowed to die again.  We had to tell them, "not today dearie, some one else gets a turn to die now."
As it turned out, it was a minister.
And might I just point out, from a theatrical perspective, the timing on that whole display up through the shooting of the  pastor was impeccable.  As a result there was a collective gasp of shock from all who watched it.  Well done!
We were also able to put our 30 ft rules in to play during the second battle on Sunday when the Union came right bloody into the Civilian camp. Darn those guys!

MOST OF ALL :

- Thank you to my Scout for making the trip over to hang with your old miserable mum and with your other Scout and Kristi, PJ and of course, the glorious ponies.  For me, I think that was the most profound moment of the entire weekend.  I love that you always make an effort to come out to the reenactments - no matter where they are held, even if it is for just a day. I am glad that we could at least share in the Fort Stevens experience, even if it was only once.  It was indeed memorable.
**We need to get MacKenzie to attend an event with us.  Can you imagine the comedy?!

- It was a wonderful way to open the new season!

- And that's all I have to say for now.

PS: And ...flamingoes.

Thundering Spring

It's a good day to come home from work in May. When the day has been hot, and the great fluffy thunder clouds are on the air. You've watered your plants and they smell green now. You can smell the ozone from the thunderheads. This is a good day to come home to. And sit. In the garden. Soft winds begin to sing in the chimes. Waiting, for the sky's mighty voice.

Stuff to do and see, think, be and feel. And eat.

Dishes I want - Calamity Ware

Victory Rolls, a simple cute - Hair Do

People were smarter than us - Stupid and modern

Swim Caps - hairdo protection of yester-year

Potato Rose - A potato by any other name would smell as...?

Om Nom Noms - Cheese Steak Crescent Ring

Yummy's - Egg Clouds Recipe (Scroll down past the ad)

Ooey Gooey Butter Cake - the best of sweet and savoury

Handy Drawer Shelf - Place to store pet supplies?

Making Life Easier - For your Elderly Cat

The Musical Priest - At a wedding

YARR! - Things to see in Oregon

Healthy - Low carb dippers

Beer Me - Episode 1

Excellent Fail - Bounce Off

Pet Safety - People Food that Dogs can't eat

Back in the Good Ol' Day - A Vintage Music Video

How To Apply Make-Up  - Not

Spidee - Can Dance

Cook An Omelette - In a bag

More Things with Drawers - Kats

Singing with Friends - In Public Places

Grow Your Food - Again

Ice Cream - With No Machine (Flavour is optional)

Kyoot Kittehs - Meow

Using internal combustion.

It's amazing, the number of things that I will conquer successfully once I get pissed off enough to do it. I am practically capable of anything. Sewing, carpentry, you name it!

Incense

I might be a smoker. Oh no, I do not smoke cigarettes or anything remotely 420 related. But I do love incense. Unfortunately I have a cat with asthma. So for eight months out of the year I cannot enjoy incense. My particular favorite is the traditional nag Champa. So it is with Glee that I await the coming of the spring where I can have decent enough whether to sit outside and work in my garden and burn some incense Outdoors. So because of all the chemicals and ingredients in nag Champa, I'm sure that qualifies me as a smoker.

No Cheese?

I have shocked myself. I cannot believe that I did not bring any cheese on this camping trip with me. Certainly that has to be a first.

You can't "DO" Relationships

A friend of mine posted something regarding relationships the other day and it got me thinking.

It was all about doing this or that to please your significant other.

Out of 10 items listed, only 3 of them really had anything to do with relationship.

It made me think.  
Isn’t that how we are as humans?  We “DO” relationships.  
That is the problem.  
A relationship is an evolving, morphing thing.  A thing to “BE” in, as opposed to “DO”.

To BE present, to BE hearing, to BE thinking, and most importantly, simply to BE with.

It also made me think about the Church.

The Church tends to DO relationship as well.

With it’s God and with each other.

We often think, “If I do this, and don’t do that, then God and I are good.”

And with each other, “You did this, so you are acceptable, and you did that so you are unacceptable.”

I think the main messages of the Bible are that we are ALL imperfect, God wants a living breathing relationship with us, and this “relationship thing” is something to be worked on for all of our lives.

Todays hair...

Courtesy of Medusa.

Travel Trailer

This is a good week! Getting my wee little travel trailer already for the season! First destination on the docket? Winter quarters in Scotts Mills next weekend travel time, Friday the 13th! Can't even wait!

The first signs of spring in Central

So today is April 5th. And I can't even believe it but this afternoon I am sitting on my patio. The weather is 70 degrees, with very high overcast with the sun peeking through. It is warm and the birds are tweeting. And I feel I can say with certainty, despite the snow that will surely come between now and the end of April, spring is surely nearby.

Processing the past through some one elses dementia, part 2

After I left the hospital, I began to feel some of that old anger come back to me.

I had several thoughts on the drive home.
Up until now, when ever I saw his girlfriend (in a way that I had to interact with her)  I would say to her "I am so glad he has you in his life", and I did tell her at one point early on,  when things were really awkward and she was having a difficult time dealing with us, I said to her at one point when we were alone, (actually she had a friend there) " I just want you to know that I do not bear any ill will toward you or Stu.  I am thankful that he has you in his life, and wish for you to feel welcomed. Please know this is the absolute truth, from the bottom of my heart."

After my intereaction with Stu in the hospital yesterday, I thoght on my way home, "Screw him. If the stories I've heard about her from others are true, then she is as horribly manipulative as he is, and they effing deserve each other.  So now I can say with less compassion and more anger, "yeah, you guys deserve each other."

This is not a good state of mind for me to be in.
But it came flooding in so fast and completely that it makes me think I still have things to process.

When I got home, I shared the experience with my excellent friend of 30+ years.  She said a profound thing to me that I have neverheard her say:

Well, Michelle, honestly I've always thought that Stu was a 'woman hater' ".

As I pondered it through the night, and looked over our life together, all the demeaning, belittling, manipulative, game playing cruel things he did and said suddenly made sense.  It is as if his current condition has stripped away all of his filters and his abilities to carry out his lifelong facades.  He is now living openly, the hate that he has had for me all of our married life.  It is both refreshing and sad. All of the years he presented these wonderful facades of the adoring husband and father, perfectly Christian with his family in line. When I divorced him, he was no longer able to present that perfect facade. I imagine that once that occurred, his rage REALLY kicked in. You know, underneath the surface.

So now, it is on me to decide what I am going to do with these feelings.
I was awake in the middle of the night, chewing on all of this and praying, "Lord, help me to see things right and not stay in this place."

After this night of prayer, and a little bit of sleep I woke up with a sense of peace and freedom.
I have decided that, other than to be a support to my children and extended family and eventually visiting friends, I do not need to see Stuart anymore. Particularly not at the hospital, unless he really requests it, which I doubt will happen.

This leads me to some other questions:

1).   We have many longtime and very dear shared friends.

If his hate carries on unfiltered like this, do I give up going to our annual bocce ball and New Years Eve get togethers?  Since the divorce we have been well able to navigate these events remaining cordial to each other and getting along for the sake of those friendships.  If he starts ranting and calling me the 'C' word or other things, it will get really bad for the other friends attending the events. But I don't want to lose those friends. And these two events are usually the only times I get to see them all together as they all live in Eugene and Portland.

So this is a thing that concerns me. And it's all hypothetical really.  So why borrow trouble I guess.


2).   How will it be at family events now?  Even though we are divorced we still get together with the in-laws and kids and cousins for Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter.  How's that gonna work now?

Anyway, there it is for now.

Processing the past through someone elses dementia, Part 1

I was taken back at least 13 years ago yesterday afternoon.

All of the reasons I got my divorce came flooding back to me as I stood inside the door of Stuart's hospital room.

A little backstory:
Stuart, as many of you know, has suffered a terrible form of sepsis.  The infection is in his blood, liver, lungs and brain.  There are 20-30 absesses, each the size of a dime, in his brain.  They are trying to administer anitbiotics through a pic line.  He is expected to be hospitalized for two months.

He spends his days in and out of dementia.  Some times his symptoms almost seem like they resemble Tourette's Syndrome. When he was first admitted he was violently flailing, striking himself and those around him.  They restrained him, wrapped his hands, and sedated him. He was swearing beyond profusely at anyone within striking distance.  He is still in swearing mode - which is odd for him.  Anyway, all of this backstory to say, he can't be held accountable for the things that he does and says right now.

So, I have avoided going in to his room, because I know he is fragile and edgy. I do not know if seeing me or hearing my voice will cause him stress in his current condition and that is the LAST thing he needs.  That and his girlfriend is often there and I don't want to cause awkwardness.
Just because you are divorced from a person does not necessarily mean that you hate them.  Heck I was married to the guy for 28 bloody long years. The last 13 of which were pure hell and I do confess that I HATED him during that time. But that was then and this is now.  I certainly bear him or his girlfriend no ill will.   So when I go to the hospital, I stay in the waiting room.  This way I can be there to support my kids when they come to town and visit him.

Blake got permission from his employer to come down to be with his dad for the week.  Blake has been sleeping every single night in the hospital, in the recliner chair next to his bed.  The boy looks rough, fragile and bleary eyed.

Tuesday I went to pick up his laundry and take it home to wash for him.
Blake said, "Hey mom, why don't you come stand in the doorway for a sec and say 'hi' to dad?"
I said, "well ok, if you think it won't upset him?"
Blake answered, "it should be fine."
So I stood in the the doorway and waved and said Hi Stu.
Stu looked my way and weakly said, "hi" back.

When I brought Blake's laundry back to him on Thursday, I again stood in the door and waved and said "Hi".  Stu did not look up.  Blake said to him, "Hey dad, do you want to turn your head and say hi to mom?"  Stuart frowned and said, "No!"

Which was fine.
And yet, it brought back a FLOOD of anger from years gone by.

To be continued...

Lake season.

The season is so close I can hardly stand it. The time to be on the water whether it's paddling the High Lakes or whether it's hitting the Estuary and The Game Preserve at the coast and paddling that. The time to be on the water is near. So close and yet so far.

When will any of us learn?

Sometimes we say, as parents of grown children, "When will these kids ever learn?"

But I would counter this by saying to ourselves, "When will WE ever learn?"

Learn that sometimes (oftentimes?) it is more important to let our kids suffer and hurt and experience the agonies of life rather than to offer them the advice, wisdom and tools to navigate through or around such suffering.

To really learn something, some people just have to figure it out, no matter how painful the process is.

A good day, is one with no people in it.

The Quaint Art of Embroidery

As many of you who know our family are aware, we have an...interesting...sense of humor; (aka quirky, inappropriate, edgy).

My daughter has taken up the quaint art of embroidery, and for my birthday, she made me the lovely wall art which I have hung proudly in my kitchen:

The Prayer Chain

What a terrible lesson.
What a sad eye-opening insight.

Just because friends love you and care for you does not give them the right to share your traumas and trials around the community, under the "guise of a prayer request."

No.  What REAL love would do, would be to pray fervently, knowing that God knows the situation even if we don't have all the details.  Love would humbly wait for the updates and permission to share, from either the patient or the family.

The Prayer Chain - mind you, not the one at the place I work.  The one at the place I work is comprised of thoughtful, humble, people with a patient desire to see God work.  They do not gossip about what comes across the prayer chain, nor do they speak about it outside of the prayer chain. They do not share information without express permission from the person to be prayed for, or that person's family.

  ~   ~   ~   ~   ~
                      
There was a man, a friend of the patient.  As soon as he heard about the potential injury/illness he took it upon himself to alert the community.  This was even before the family knew.  It was a breach of privacy - even though it came from a loving, well meaning heart.  The immediate family was still trying to reach the rest of the family, this is before the family has had an opportunity to speak with the Doctors / patient or get the pertinent information, in order to be able to even share an accurate prayer request. One of the family members saw it before the family had a chance to tell them.  It ended up being kind of bad.  (Ya think?!)

This man crossed a boundary, stepped out of line, and refused to recognise that he had carried out an insensitive, rude act.

One thing I have learned, both from serving as a missionary and working in a church: everyone has the right to pray. No one has the right to share private information, no matter what their loving heartfelt desire is.  It is just not right.

  ~   ~   ~   ~   ~

So at this point, I don't imagine that I would ever share any requests for prayer with any church's prayer chain.  Particularly in this small town, as people are too quick to talk and there seem to be several who need to "feel they are a part of the drama" and make it their own.

Nope.
I am so done with that.

Dementia Chronicle, Episode 1 : A beginning?

As many of you who've known me for a long time already know, Altzheimers runs on my mom's side of the family fairly regularly.

Having served alongside my dad through the years of providing care to my mom, I am hyper sensitive to any little thing, any small aberration in my own thoughts and abilities.

Rather than squirrel away uncomfortable thoughts, I decided that I should blog them.

Perhaps it will be known that I merely suffer from the decline that we as women go through when experiencing menopause.

Most recently notable, ( and alarming to me) is my observation that I can no longer type as I used to.
Already in this post, I have had to correct typos 5 times.  This is becoming a typical occurrence during the last year. Also, my spelling is less accurate that it once was.  And grammar.  Dare I confess that I actually had a brain fart regarding where the apostrophe should go in "Priests" - vs- "Priest's"?

For ME - THIS should not happen. I am a proud grammar Nazi.

My own mother contracted Altzheimers at an early age.  We believe she had the start of it in her early 50's.  She died from it when she was 61.  My mother was an atheletic, outgoing, left brained, witty, mathematical person. She did not engage in poor eating habits, excessive alcohol or other obvious unhealthful activity.

I am now 50+.  My hyper sensitivity to the possibility of getting this grows with every typo, spelling mistake etc. Where did I put my keys? Again? I thought I already fed the cats?  When did I change the fish's water?

It is also possible that I have a tendency to take on a great deal of things at once.  My brain rarely shuts off - even at night. Example: I got 4 hours of sleep last night.  Decent sleep for me is 6 hours.  I have needed 7-9 in the past.

So I don't know.

This is the first post in what I hope never becomes a series, for me.

The Dementia Chronicles.

It's only Lincoln City...

...but I'll take it.

Especially now tht some of my kids are able to get away and meet up with me down there.

I need to find some big rubber boots so I can stomp around in the storms.