Isn’t that how we are as humans? We “DO” relationships.
That is the problem.
A relationship is an evolving, morphing thing. A thing to “BE” in, as opposed to “DO”.
I am very encouraged with regard to Stewart's progress. Yes there was some ugliness. Yes it is obvious that he can no longer carry out the facade that we get along. At least from his perspective. For right now and hopefully well on into the his future, he can only process what is currently true. And as we all remember, the truth will set you free. So the truth is that when I divorced him I tore apart his facade and he couldn't pretend to be the great patriarch anymore. And also aside from that, I also believe that I honestly hurt him. He labored for 28 years, despite all of the things I told him that it was not going well, and all of the counseling that we went to, he still labored under the misguided assumption that everything was well. And that was indeed a choice on his part. Still that was his perspective. When I divorced him it shattered all that shit. I don't regret it. I live through hell for at least half of our marriage. And he hates me today for divorcing him but you know what, after having pondered and prayed about it, I'm okay with that. Because it means he is no longer living in a Land of denial. But only in truth. As ugly as that truth may feel and be to him. I think that is very good reason for Hope, for his future and a future life with his girlfriend. Perhaps he finally has hit the bottom of his Barrel, and now he can turn and live in truth.
So today is April 5th. And I can't even believe it but this afternoon I am sitting on my patio. The weather is 70 degrees, with very high overcast with the sun peeking through. It is warm and the birds are tweeting. And I feel I can say with certainty, despite the snow that will surely come between now and the end of April, spring is surely nearby.
The season is so close I can hardly stand it. The time to be on the water whether it's paddling the High Lakes or whether it's hitting the Estuary and The Game Preserve at the coast and paddling that. The time to be on the water is near. So close and yet so far.