Thursday, April 6, 2006

A Weird and Cryptic Question Answered.

Did you ever have a moment when there is something you have been thinking about, maybe for a while, and then somebody says something that sets the stage for you to follow through and do it, or say it? It feels like jumping off a cliff with 1000 IRS agents at your back. Its scary, you don'tn know where you are going to land, but you KNOW that it is now the right thing to do.

For about a week or two, there has been something uncomfortable tugging at my heart.
When such…inner promptings occur, it usually means that I should take note, because God is trying to draw my attention to either something good, or something that I need to let Him fix within me.

So I have been mulling and chewing on something, and the more I do, the more it bugs me.
Some people may be freaked out by the word I am about to share, but I know, because of My Friend's background, he will not be weirded out by such a word.

The word is confess.
The confession is mine, in the form of an apology to My Friend.

His oddly timed comment about what occurred to him and his departure from his "volunteer-job" – well, I don’t know about any of the particulars there, but I DO know about my own part before any of that happened.

I did write him a letter.
An inflamed and enraged letter calling him out on the carpet for what appeared to me to be negligent service at the time. I was hurt and dismayed because at the time, I was feeling pressured that the people that took my place needed to do things the way I would.

For that I was wrong and I apologise.

You would think that a sin of that magnitude against a brother would have sat ill with me for a lot longer, but I think that was Gods mercy on me; letting me get to the point where I could deal with the truth, before He forced me to be accountable for it.
But to be honest, it has really bugged me for the last two weeks solidly, and when My Friend suddenly made mention of his own experience after that fact, well, it seemed like I was being given a chance to make good.

Whether he even remembers any of that letter, I do not know. He may be made of tougher stuff, and such a flip-out may have rolled from him like water off a ducks back. For me, it bugs me that I did wrong and I need to be honest and accountable.

I am truly sorry.
And even more to his credit, he has only treated me with complete and utter grace despite my offense. How Godly an example is that?

I am thankful for for his extending such grace to me.

I am truly, and humbly sorry for my behaviour.

*Exhales*

2 comments:

  1. heheh, well thanks Blue Girl!
    but don't hug me, hug the friend who put up wth my craptacular antics oh-so-long-ago. :o)

    mih-

    ReplyDelete