Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Cleavage of Doom

Why does this kind of crap always seem to happen to me?

At a church camp-out last summer, we are all sitting around the campfire.
Suddenly an ember pops, sending a flaming missile - not straight FOR my shirt but arching into the air and straight down INTO my shirt. I am hopping madly all over the place attempting to free the "Blistering Morsel from the Abyss" from my unmentionable-garment.

Likewise, this evening, I am preparing the gravy for our dinner.
In order to eradicate some lumps from the gravy in a hurry, I pour the whole batch of hot liquid into the blender, thinking I will puree them out.

Nobody ever told me what happens when you try to put hot liquid in a blender.
And how could I imagine the outcome?

It spewed scalding lava - where?
You guessed it!

I have a scalded torso that hurts like all the flames of Satans own domicile, and can barely scrape up enough pluck to clean the minimal residue that did not find its way to my cleavage, up off the floor.

Owey!

I swear I am going to invest in lead turtlenecks from now on!

Ow!

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