I am NOT job.

Ugh!
So I go to work.
Day one: great day. happy times.
Day two: Early AM dad is very sick, His A.M. Doc appt nearly makes me late to
work. Potential pneumonia or brinchitis, he needs nebuliser treatment 3 times a day for the next week. During the course of the work day, my friend / employer asks me if I am truly interested in the job? I am like "yeah!"
"Good!", says she to me, "because I need someone who can be here for some years and if I train some one I don't want them to quit in like 6 months and I have to train some one else."
Understandable, and yet...
sirens and red lights begin to go off inside my head:
-Can I predict the future?
-If my dad falls 2 months from now and breaks a hip I'm going to halt everything in order to take care of him. Its a no brainer. I can't bloody predict the future.

I say this to her.
She says well, think about it and let me know by Monday (this being last Friday).
I said, "Well if its a 100% commitment without waivering that you seek, then I can answer you right now: I can't give you that promise. I am the caregiver for my elderly dad. He must be my priority in such a case."

She was upset and so was I.

That night I stressed and tossed and turned and woke up with the WORST migraine I have had in 15 years.

Thoughts mulled over during the nights wrestle:
-I can't bloody predict the future, and while I understand the dire need, I am thinking perhaps that might have been an unfair question for her to require an answer to, however she just had a baby and post-partum freakyness can be partially attributed.
-After only 2 days of emplyment by this person I am already experiencing enough stress and turmoil to give me the worst headache I have had in 15 years. And a sleepless night to boot.
-Rather than have peace about the situation, I have surprisingly, a deep inner sense of trauma and turmoil.

I think I am going to find my friend some one who can fill her need but also be able to make the commitment she seeks - even though part of me says, "Girl, don't mention the promise to work for you for 4 years" clause. You will scare them away."

So instead. I will be "Nanny McPhee" to her baby for the month while she finds and trains a new person.

I updated my brother on my dads condition and all of the above. He thinks its a good idea to perhaps check out as to whether the state my pay for my hours as I take care of my dad... and possibly in the event that we don't meet the state criteria, my brother thinks it would be good idea to approach my dad to just pay me out right from the proceeds of one of his annuities. This would keep him home and not in an elder facility, which he disdains (even though he would enjoy the social life there, he has this stigma attached to it), and it would allow me to keep the simple job I have, and supplement what I am not
able to find for work outside the home because of his care needs.

Anyway, tomorrow will be my first day back to work with her, since we came to the uncomfortable realisation that I will not be able to be her "End All, Be All Go-To Girl Friday."

I am feeling MOST awkward and uncomfortable.

Krap-tacular.