ugh!

I love you so.
I lay awake at night, thinking of ways to offer you
choices by which you might fly, in the own trueness
of yourself, as God has made you alone to be.
I pull my heart out of my chest and divide it into
pieces in case some of them might give you a leg up,
as stepping stones, that you may see your own
wonderfulness, and that you are appreciated.

You pull out the baseball bat.
You club me over and over and over again.
The bleeding, pulsating remnants of my being
lie on the ground. oozing what life might be there.
Hoping it will leak, in a trail, to your feet...and some
how, impart encouragement to be you.

Sometimes...
I get REALLY tired.
And wish for death.
But that is not my call.