I can get all of my studio rebuilt (which I have done).
I can get all of my canvases and paints and tools ready.
And then...there is the black hole...the void...the hump...the wall that I can't get past.
It sends me to do other chores, laundry, dishes, bills what ever, anything...to block me from actually sitting down and doing the act of painting. Of sitting down and actually applying the paint, stroke by stroke.
Miraculously, once I sit down and begin to apply paint, I begin to see the next step that the piece or painting must take. I could not see that step until I had begun the first step of the "journey". Until I engaged in the project. Then it unfolded to me. In the quietness of painting, my thoughts expand and contract and see in new ways, and there is peace and communion with Almighty God - this moment is where I am most myself, with as much of His presence as I can receive, comprehend or stand.
It occurs to me that this preparation, and subsequent block/wall to doing the actual sitting down and painting, is very similar to our relationship with God. We cannot see the whole picture, but when we settle ourselves down to do His way, or to seek Him, and NOT religion for it's own sake, that He reveals Himself and His plan step by step, in a way that each individual of us might receive, process and comprehend it.
I think painting is my meditation.
It is my devotional time, with the Creator of the Universe; the Creator of myself, as I am.
It is then that I realise, He is indeed fully pleased with me - even more - He not only loves me, He LIKES me.
And yet, there is this hump, wall or stumbling block that keeps me from sitting down and painting - engaging in that humble, naked moment before Him, in quietness, when I am only myself = which is not enough for the world, but is exactly enough for Him who has created me to be this way.
I smiled when reading this, because I often feel very similarly.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I feel like giving up on an idea when I'm uncertain how it will work out, but it all starts making sense once I dive into it.
Quiet, solitary creative time can be hard to come by, and even when I find it, I wonder about other obligations and priorities. It almost feels selfish to indulge in it.
But we need that time to release and get stuff out or the frustration and constipation enters other areas of our lives.
To give less than your best is to sacrifice your gifts.
Wow Dude!
ReplyDeleteWell said - and like usual, you said everything better and with less words.
Hope all is well with you this Thanksgiving.
:o)
mih-